Three simple ways to have more effective working relationships

1. Listen!

We all want to be listened to. When we are, we feel valued and valuable. This makes us want to cooperate with the listener. Being listened to helps us think more clearly. When you listen to people you understand them better, and this builds effective working relationships.

A story.

I asked a group of people to think of a real and long-standing problem they had. Each person had just ten minutes to talk about it with a partner. The partner was asked to listen with delight and not say anything. After only ten minutes three-quarters of the group had made significant progress with their problem.

Listening is not difficult. The problem is deciding to do it when most of us would rather talk.

One easy way to have more of it is for people to take turns listening to each other. I love teaching “coconsulting” which is a great way to do this.

2. Have more effective meetings

Meetings work when people can contribute. Simple things help. In face-to-face meetings put the chairs in a circle. This signals everyone’s contribution is valuable. Go round the group so you hear from everyone. Give equal time, quiet people often have valuable things to say. Start the meeting with a circle where people say something positive. This can be as simple as “Something nice that’s happened lately” or “What would make this meeting a success for you?” Going around the group like this works well on Zoom.

A story

I started a three-day development event for an international team by putting the chairs in a circle. I asked everyone to say in turn “One thing they enjoyed about working for the organisation”, while I listened intently. I encouraged everyone else to listen to each other. The participants were surprised that I used no PowerPoint or other visual aids. All the work was through conversations. It was successful. The image at the top of this article is of the group at the end of the event.

3. Be Authentic and Genuine

Effective relationships require trust. The only way to build trust is to give trust and be trustworthy. Pretence is the exact opposite of authenticity. If I say what I feel and what I want authentically, you will know where you stand with me. You will be able to decide to trust me enough to say what you feel and what you want. If this works our mutual trust and the quality of our relationship will grow.

A story

A client of mine had less than a day to turn around a failing SAPS project. Everything you can imagine was going wrong. There were nasty emails, technical, interpersonal, and intercultural and political problems. We talked about it. He decided to ask the 50 people involved in turn a surprisingly simple question “How do you feel about the project?” There was a silence initially, then someone said she was fed up. Everyone was fed up, frustrated, frightened or angry. At the end, he asked if they wanted to go on feeling that way. They didn’t and the project was saved. J had created conditions where people could be authentic.

Finally

These are some of the ways I help people work together more effectively so they can make their world a better place. If you want to talk about how I can support you, then please get in touch.

Nick Heap

Facilitator of change, organisation development and communication.

+44 (0) 7879861525 and nick@nickheap.co.uk

Web: https://nickheap.co.uk with 300 more practical developmental ideas